i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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