I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
