Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
