If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
