You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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