i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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