I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
