I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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