know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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