How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
