so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
