I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize