I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
