Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
