New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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