Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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