I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hippo gnu deer
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
