i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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