like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
