I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
