i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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