it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
