Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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