Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
