In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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