I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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