I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
