Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
