My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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