Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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