dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
