just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
