how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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