I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just gargled with NyQuil
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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