I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
