my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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