Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
