he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?