They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?