Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
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after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.