The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.