The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
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We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.