He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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