Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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