....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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