Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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