When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
