Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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