also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
