I just pynch a tree in the face
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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