so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize