Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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