Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
