You smell like a Billy Joel song
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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