You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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