Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
