Pants 0. Shit 1.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
