your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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