It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
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Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize