The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
