i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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