all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
how does that bad decision feel?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
