All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
