The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
