Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
