I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
