just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
