Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
