how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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