Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
