dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
