there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
