yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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