JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
