But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
