It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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