So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
