I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
