be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
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Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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