Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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