i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
