where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
