Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
