Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
