My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
