You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
