I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the liver wants what the liver wants
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
