I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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