and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
