just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
