p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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