1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
