I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
All the doctor said was why
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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