So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How naked do you want me to be?
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