She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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