I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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